


They're Out There Somewhere

by dsa_archivist



Category: The X-Files, due South
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-13
Updated: 1999-05-13
Packaged: 2018-11-10 22:23:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11135853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Alien abductions, clones, human tails. Look to the skies.  This story shares characters with the series that begins with "The Magnificent Nine"





	They're Out There Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

They're Out There Somewhere

## They're Out There Somewhere

Herman  
**PG**

  
The twenty-seventh precinct was quiet. It was an endless sort of quiet, a tedious lull that condemned the officers within like a prison sentence. The bullpen door swung open. A battery of rushed humanity cascaded in and collapsed over a desk. A tall man was dropped over a desktop by two thirtyish men in suits and ties. A huge bloody gash was torn in his lower abdomen. As he groaned in pain, a redheaded woman pressed down on the wound. Another redhead glared at the stunned officers. 

"Get an ambulance now!" she ordered and attended the man. 

Two men broke off from the group draped over the desk and charged to Lieutenant Harding Walsh's office. A tall Italian man with glaring green eyes and a ragtag man with spiky dirty-blond hair burst into his office. Walsh put down his evening hoagie and stared at them. 

"What the hell is this?" 

The two men talked endlessly, frantically so that Walsh only got disjointed sentences out of them. He motioned them to be still. 

"Alright, alright, alright. Vecchio, and then Kowalski. What the hell is the meaning of this?" 

"Alien beings stole my genetic material and they've used it to breed beings who will one day destroy the earth." 

"Yeah, and they've cloned several me's with tails 'cause they think it's a good idea," Detective Stanley Kowalski added to Detective Ray Vecchio's outlandish claim. 

Walsh did not know what to think. The two had done many things that were off-the-wall whacky but this took the cake. He could not even think of response to their claims. Walsh simply stared at them slack-jawed and then tensed. 

"Are you going to say something, sir?" Ray asked. 

"What would you like me to say, Detective?" he countered. "That I believe you? That aliens cloned you? That will be a little hard for me to believe." 

Stanley shrugged. 

"Well, we can explain everything, Lieutenant," he implored. "It's all true." 

"It started this morning.." Ray began. 

Two professionally dressed people wormed their way through to Lieutenant Walsh's office. The red-haired woman brushed away an errant lock of hair and held her badge up to disbelieving officers in the bullpen like a shield. Her partner, a slouched-shouldered thirtyish man, looked at his watch and rapped on the door softly. 

"Come in." 

Walsh greeted the two that came. 

"Ah," Walsh breathed. "I've been expecting you." Walsh looked at his file. "CSIS Agents Diana Sully and Wolf Mulder." 

"Actually," the man corrected, "it's Mul-day. It's French." 

Taken aback, Walsh apologized. 

"You're here about the, uh..." 

"Strange incident," Wolf supplied. "Yes, we are very interested in that." 

Sully placed a microcorder at the edge of Walsh's desk. 

"Please explain everything you can recall of the events of yesterday afternoon, Leftenent." 

Walsh scratched his chin and tried to recollect the very strange event that took place on that otherwise normal day. 

  

Ray shoved Jimmy down onto the chair in the interrogation room. Stanley slammed the door shut. 

"You're going to tell us everything on Hansen," Ray leaned forward, "or I swear to God, I'll break you in half." 

Jimmy spat in Ray's face. No love lost between them, Ray picked Jimmy up and hurled him against the wall. Stanley restrained him and ordered Jimmy to sit back down. Ray calmed down and sat across from Jimmy. 

"Let's take this from the top..." 

  

Detective Thomas Dewey peered out the window and beheld in his vision the lone portly hotdog seller, the angel of gastronomic salvation. He pasted himself to the panes of glass pining for the sweet hotdog goodness. 

"O fairest hotdog," he sighed, "I shall eat of thee and sup on thy hottest goodness." 

Putting on his coat, Dewey charged forth to purchase the tasty comestible. He opted for the chili dog wrapped in foil. On his way back up to the bullpen, Dewey bit into it. Scrunching his face in disgust he proclaimed loudly for all to hear. 

"He gave me a cold chili dog! The guy sold me a cold chili dog!" 

"Just warm it up in the microwave," Francesca supplied nonchalantly. 

Dewey agreed and placed the chili dog in the microwave for three minutes. 

  

Ray circled Jimmy. 

"I want to know about the drugs, Jimmy." 

"I don't know anything," Jimmy spat out. 

"You're wasting your time," Stanley proffered. "Jimmy is just jerking off until his lawyer gets here." 

"You're not going anywhere until you tell us what we want to know," Ray swore. 

"Screw you, Vecchio!" 

Ray stood tall. His eyes became wide and clear. He glared at Jimmy. Stanley could see that the veins in Jimmy's neck stood out and pulsated. The veins in his head pumped wildly. Jimmy held his head in pain. 

"I think we should get a doctor for him," Stanley stood and tried to lift Jimmy from his seat. 

"I want to know everything you've got on Hansen," Ray asked again. 

Jimmy replied with groans. 

"Ray, he needs a doctor!" Stanley cried. 

Jimmy slumped down on the chair gripping his head. 

"Tell me what I want to know!" 

Jimmy's head swelled up. His frail hands could not contain it. 

  

"My chili dog exploded!" Dewey cried. 

Dewey staggered throughout the bullpen with chili dog mess all over his face. Suddenly, like the great wings of an albatross whirring the men into silence, the door of the interview room opened. Stanley stepped out. Blood streamed his face and gooey grey chunks encrusted his t-shirt. He wiped his horn-rimmed glasses on the sleeve of his shirt and raised his hands to the heavens. 

"Silence of the lambs!" 

All in the bullpen stared at him. 

"Oh my God!" Francesca exclaimed. "Stan, are you alright?" 

Stanley drifted through the bullpen. 

"Why did he come to me to die?" He gripped Huey by the arms. "Why did he come to me to die?" 

Everyone ran to the interview room. Ray stood aloof from the headless body of Jimmy. He stared at the corpse emotionlessly. No one could say anything. They simply looked at the body with disgust as it squirted out blood from the torn orifice where the head used to be. 

  

"That is truly disgusting," Sully remarked. 

"You're telling me," Walsh concurred. "We'll never get the ceiling cleaned." 

Wolf crossed his hands. 

"Leftenent, what you have described here is termed in the paranormal world as 'skinning'." 

Walsh's brow creased. 

"Don't you mean 'scanning'?" 

The two agents shushed him. 

"Sshh. Do you want to get sued?" 

"What precisely is skinning?" Walsh asked. 

"Skinning is the act of reading the thoughts of others," Wolf explained. "In advanced cases, those with the ability to skin are capable of manipulating the environment around them- moving objects about and so forth. Unfortunately, the act of skinning causes the head to vibrate and usually heads explode." 

"We'd like to speak to the detective in the interrogation room yesterday," Sully requested. 

Walsh nodded and asked that Ray come into his office. Ray shuffled into the office with his hands in his pockets. 

"Sully, Mulder- this is Detective Ray Vecchio," Walsh introduced them to Ray. Walsh leaned over and whispered to Ray. "They're here about that exploded head yesterday." 

Ray shrugged. He knew they would come. 

"Detective Vecchio, what can you tell us about the incident yesterday?" Sully asked. 

"Some guy's head exploded while I was interrogating him," Ray offered disinterestedly. 

"Why did it do that?" Wolf asked and rose to face Ray. "Any paranormal reason perchance?" 

Ray's brow was raised. 

"You mean like seismic waves or something?" 

Wolf backed off. Ray was playing it cagey. 

  

A knock at the door jarred Walsh. He rose and answered the door. Another duo, one red-haired and the other a slouched shouldered man in his thirties, encroached the entrance of his office. They removed I.D. badges from their pockets and presented them to Walsh. 

"Scully and Mulder, F.B.I." 

  

"What the hell is going on in there?" Stanley asked nervously and sipped his coffee. 

Constable Benton Fraser raised his eyebrow and then shrugged. 

"The presence of both CSIS and the F.B.I. does seem cause for concern," he confided. 

"Let's face it- we're screwed." 

Stanley and Fraser faced a tall, dark-haired man who sipped coffee resignedly. 

"Someone's up for the shaft," Constable Alexander Mackenzie Reynolds surmised. "I just hope and pray it's not me." 

"What makes you say that?" Fraser asked. 

"Come on, Benny," Alexander huffed. "They're butting heads in there and who has to pick up the pieces and why? Shortchange here, a dead attache there and a Mountie in between." He slapped Fraser on the shoulder. "Let's face it, Ben. It's you." 

Fraser did not share Alexander's "optimism". 

  

Scully and Fox sat across from Sully and Wolf. They eyed one another suspiciously. 

"Would you please explain what the F.B.I. is doing here?" Walsh asked. 

Fox broke his suspicious gaze from Wolf. 

"We are here to investigate some strange electrical disturbances at a federal bank. We believe it may somehow be tied in with an event of cranial proportions that took place here." 

Walsh slapped his head. He knew this would come up. He feared he may be the laughing stock of metro Chicago. 

"We would like to interview the officers in present yesterday," Scully asked. 

Resigned, Walsh called in Ray and Stanley. 

"These are Federal Agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder." 

Stanley and Ray muttered their disapproval but were hushed with a stare. 

"I want the details of yesterday afternoon," Fox requested. 

Wolf huffed. This annoyed Fox. 

"Do you have something to say?" 

"Yes, in fact, I do," Wolf muttered. "Your record at truth-finding in the area of paranormal research is abysmal. I doubt you'll get anything now." 

Fox took offence to that. 

"I've studied over a hundred paranormal cases personally, Mr. Mulder." 

Wolf rose. He hated when people pronounced the R. 

"Oh, really? Do _you_ have any resolved cases?" 

"Well what about you?" 

Wolf kept his back to Fox and allowed himself to be lost in the annals of his brain. 

"There is a skeleton in my closet, I admit. A case I have not yet been able to solve. You see, in 1972, a ten-year-old Inuvik boy in the care of his librarian grandparents 'skinned' an otter resulting in the creature's head blowing up. His father was quick to deny any sort of paranormal activity and used his influence as a high-ranking Mountie to close the file." Wolf turned around. "The boy would be a man now. He could be anywhere, anything." Wolf chuckled. "He may even be a Mountie himself." 

Fraser knocked on the door and allowed himself in. 

"Excuse me, Leftenent Walsh," he solicited but was silenced. Alexander joined him. 

"I have far more interesting cases," Fox bragged. "Chicago, 1962, a Polish immigrant gave birth to a boy with tail, which was subsequently removed." 

Stanley seemed quite removed from the rest of the group all of a sudden. 

"The following year, a thirteen-month-old boy 'skinned' his uncle causing his head to explode. Over thirty years later, another head explodes under suspicious circumstances. Coincidence? I think not." 

"Well, what about Turnbull?" Wolf countered. 

"What about Turnbull?" Fox asked back. 

"He's just goofy," Wolf sniped and shook the tension from his shoulders. 

Fraser appeared disconcerted. 

"Is something wrong, Constable Fraser?" Sully asked. 

"Yes," he admitted, "there is something that does bother me." 

Alexander tried to keep him quiet but Fraser motioned him to be still. 

"Years ago," he explained, "Constable Reynolds, myself and another officer where patrolling the tundra one evening when we were overcome by a strange light and heat..." 

  

The barren tundra was that was once covered in darkness and snow was now being overwhelmed with a great heat that melted the frost and a light brighter than the sun. A large silver disk hovered over the three men. They fell back covering there heads. The light became less intense and the silver disk opened to reveal to strange figures coming out of it. Fraser gasped. Alexander could not believe his eyes. 

"Where is William Shatner when you need him?" he asked. 

The two figures were aliens. They wore silver clothes and had hexagonal helmets on their heads that concealed their facial features. They stood before the three men. The third man, Constable Perkins, lifted a donut from his pack and peacefully offered it to the aliens. The second alien took a ray gun and shot it at Perkins. He fell back scorched to the bone. Fraser and Alexander stared helpless and in horror. The aliens turned around and went back to their ship. The silver disk flew into the night sky and out of view. Fraser could breathe again. 

"This is your call," Alexander said. "They won't believe me if _I_ told them." 

  

"What did you do afterward?" Fox asked. 

"I'll tell you what we did!" Alexander yelled. "We went to every newspaper, science journal and magazine we could find but no one would believe our story." 

"Is that true?" Scully asked. 

Fraser shook his head. Alexander was annoyed. 

"No. We just stayed in Alexander's basement, drank copious amounts of beer and watched reruns of _The Littlest Hobo_." 

  

"Well my story is far more terrifying," Stanley countered and all eyes were on him. 

Stanley pushed his bike on the driveway. He was five minutes late for supper and he knew his father would be furious. He bent over trying to open the garage door with some sort of finesse and quiet. It probably wouldn't work but he still had to try. It would be a matter of seconds before his father would come pounding out, his nostrils flaring like a tormented muskox's. He thought he had felt the heat of his father's glare. He looked up slowly. A blinding white light covered him. A hum, at first slightly mute but then deafening, cowered him. Before he knew it, gravity was being defied and he was being sucked into a strange vacuum. 

The light had finally died down. Stanley felt cold. He found the courage to look around him. He was lying on a cold metal surface and wearing nothing but his Amazing Spider-Man shorties. He shivered. Three strange beings wearing hexagonal helmets peered at him. With short sticks, they poked his stomach and legs, gibbering in a strange language. Stanley could not understand them and became more frightened. One neared him and sprayed a fine green mist in his face. Lapsing into unconsciousness, Stanley's mind remained a blank. 

"The next thing I knew I was face down on my driveway," Stanley explained. 

  

"That's a pile of crap, Stan," Ray scoffed. 

"You wanna go right now, Vecchio?" Stanley edged to him itching to fight. 

Walsh stood between them. 

"Just because the story sounds incredible, it does not mean that Stanley is lying," Fraser supplied. 

Ray scratched his head. Perhaps his friend was right. 

"Hey, I don't believe in aliens or anything, but I do have a really weird story that I can't explain..." Ray began. 

  

Ray returned from a hard day's work. The door opened before him. A tall, beautiful woman with black hair wearing a rather skimpy mini-dress stood before him. Her ice-blue eyes gleamed. 

"Bess," Ray smiled. 

"Enter our abode, mate," she said monotonously, "for I have prepared comestibles for our nourishment." 

Ray could make no sense of Bess' odd behaviour. She was normally cheerful, informal, normal. Now, she had turned into an android with a lascivious taste in clothing. 

"Where are the kids?" he asked. 

Bess stopped and thought for a minute. 

"Their paternal grandmother-unit has retrieved them for an evening of amusement," she answered. 

Ray gaped at her. This was really weird. He wondered what she prepared for "comestibles". Slowly, he backed into the dining room and collapsed into his chair at the head of the table. Cheese-stuffed manicotti lay agreeably in a pool of tomato sauce. Ray let out a sigh of relief. At least this was normal. He began to surmise that Bess' behaviour was a silly prank. He started to cut into the manicotti. Bess sat across from him. She looked at the manicotti. With one blur of atrocious speed, Bess' forked tongue scooped up the manicotti and she swallowed it whole. The bits of manicotti Ray had placed in his mouth fell out in a river of drool. Did Bess just swallow the manicotti whole in less than two seconds with one swift scoop of a slithering forked tongue that was definitely not native to her species? Oh yes she did. 

Bess stood and took Ray by the hand. She led him effortlessly out of the room to the bedroom upstairs. 

"Come, spousal-unit. Let us retire." 

"Uh," he tried to say, "I've got to go back to the precinct..." 

"Nonsense," she uttered and pulled on Ray's hand harder. She stared intensely at him with blaring blue eyes. "I think you will agree. Resistance is futile." 

One stroke of her tongue and Ray lost consciousness. 

  

"The next thing I remember is lying in bed with several bruises and strange marks consistent with electric shocks," Ray said. 

"That does sound strange," Fox agreed, "but frighteningly similar to the men we found in a shipping yard. They had marks consistent with electric shocks. I say we go down to investigate." 

Ray huffed. 

"Why the hell should we?" 

Fox looked at Ray seriously. 

"Because I can have your Chicago P.D. @$$ audited like that!" Fox snapped his fingers. 

Ray tried to look cool but found that it was impossible to do so when one was threatened with a tax audit. 

"Alright then," Ray agreed. 

  

Evening descended upon Chicago like a great big descending thing. Agents Sully and Mulder, Scully and Mulder, Fraser, Ray and Stan and even Diefenbaker circled the shipping yard with flashlights. Sully crouched down near a great scorched circle. 

"The electrical shock came from about twenty metres above," she looked up. "It's amazing it didn't kill them all." 

Fraser crouched on the ground near her. He tasted the gravel. 

"Silicon," he noted. "The heat must have been quite intense." 

"Whatever, Benny," Ray looked around him suspiciously. "Let's just get out of here." 

Alexander edged through the chainlink fence. 

"I couldn't agree with him more, Ben." 

Fraser tried to ignore his intolerant friend and get back to the investigation. 

Wolf looked at the telephone wires. 

"They are untouched. How odd." 

Fox's ear caught something. He saw that Diefenbaker looked uneasy. The wolf barked incessantly. 

"What is it, Dief?" Fraser asked. 

Diefenbaker still barked. 

  

A great light appeared in the sky. A whirring sound became louder and louder. A silver disk larger than a Mack truck hovered over the confused group. A beam of light sucked up Sully and Scully. Ray and Stan took out their semiautomatics and tried to shoot the disk but then were sucked in. Fraser suffered the same fate. Fox grinned broadly. 

"How I have waited for this day!" 

Soon, Wolf and Fox, the great believers, were sucked into the vast silver disk that hovered over the shipping yard and then disappeared into the cosmos leaving only Diefenbaker and Alexander huddled in the darkness. 

"Oh, great!" he complained. "Just my luck they leave me behind to do all the explaining!" 

  

Scully opened her eyes. Everyone else was unconscious in a big gray room. They appeared to have no marks on them. She rose from her cot and shook Fox gently. 

"Mulder," she whispered, "where are we? Mulder?" 

Fox opened his eyes slowly. 

"We're on board an alien craft," he said softly. 

"Nonsense," Scully negated, "such things don't exist." 

Fox gaped at her.  
"What do you think just happened?!" 

Sully awoke. 

"Ahhh, my head!" 

"That's common after an abduction," Fox advised her. 

"She didn't need _you_ to tell her that!" Wolf snapped. 

Fraser awoke. 

"Gentlemen, there is no need to argue." 

"Yeah," Stan agreed rubbing his head, "if anybody argues while I have this big headache, I'll whip the crap out of ya!" 

Ray rubbed his temples. 

"Says you, degenerate-boy!" 

Stan and Ray were ready to kill one another. A light flashed above them and a set of sliding doors opened. A man about average height entered the cell. He was a lime green colour and had antennae on his head. But aside from that, the blue velvet smoking jacket and the black slacks made him look normal. 

"Who are you?" Scully nervously asked. "Why have you brought us here?" 

The man simply looked at Scully compounding her frustration. 

Fraser stepped forward believing he could make a difference. 

"Excuse me, my name is..." 

"Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police," the man answered for him, "yes, I know you well." He looked about the room. "I know you all well." He caught Stan in his glance. "Especially you and your whacky undershorts, Detective Stanley Kowalski." 

Stan looked ashamed. Ray smirked at him. 

"Whacky undershorts!" 

"Hey!" Stan defended himself. "If I can't gird my loins with funny animals or superheroes then the deal's off- I just won't wear underwear!" 

Ray grimaced. 

"Uunggh! I don't want to think about that!" 

Fox pushed the two men aside and accosted his green captor. 

"Who are you? What planet are you from? What do you want with us?" 

The man held Fox off. 

"Whoa, whoa! Hold on there! One question at a time." He motioned the group out of the cell. "This way please." 

The man led the group through a corridor to a large silver metal bridge of a vessel they were apparently on. 

"You are on an extraterrestrial vessel going at superlight speed. My language is quite complex so you will have to bear with me. My name cannot be translated into human terms. Just call me Buddy, Buddy from the Andromeda System. My function this evening is to reveal to you, the instrumental pawns in our machinations, our plans for the next year or so." 

Fox would hear none of it. 

"I don't want to hear your evil plans! All you do kidnap innocent people for your sick experiments!" 

Buddy huffed impatiently. 

"That is a lie! It is not my organization that does that" 

Buddy accidently hit a button which activated a hidden force field. Behind the force field, Fox's sister, Scully's mother, Sully's grandmother, Wolf's brother, Francesca Vecchio, Stella Kowalski, Stan's ex-wife, and Anna Fraser, Fraser's daughter and preschool evil-doer _extra ordinaire_ , were bound and gagged, no doubt about to be used in sick experiments. Buddy, rather embarrassed, pressed another button which hid the victims from the view of their shocked relatives. 

"Anyhoo," Buddy continued, "now to my evil plans." He walked about the deck of the vessel for effect. "We _are_ planning a takeover, nothing of which can be done to avoid it. And if there is," Buddy laughed and slammed his fist into his hand, "we'll quash it!" 

His laughter annoyed Fraser. 

"You are tyrants and murderers!" he proclaimed. "You murdered Constable Perkins after he offered you a sign of peace!" 

"That's where you're wrong, Constable!" Buddy shot back. "Perkins offered us a donut, a symbol of war in our culture." 

Fraser seemed taken aback. 

"Oh, terribly sorry." 

"Don't apologize to him!" Ray scolded. 

Stan looked around him cautiously. If he could foil the aliens' plans, then he would. He ran up to a console and waved his hand over a button. 

"I know what I'll do!" he swore. "I'll disable your ship! Then where will you be?" 

Buddy tried to warn him but it was too late. Stan slammed on the button. A vacuum whooshed on the other side of the wall and all the aliens' hostages were sucked into space. They kicked and struggled in the oxygen-lacking vacuum that was outer-space. Stan slapped his hand on his forehead. 

"Oh, I wish, I wish I hadn't done that!" 

Scully fumed. 

"Damn right you'd better!" 

Fraser rushed to the pane of glass that separated him from the cold void of space. He pressed his fingers against it. Anna's cheeks bulged as she struggled to hold her breath. Fraser prayed that she would have remembered what to do in the event she was ever sucked out into space. 

Sully turned her back on Stan and whispered into her micrcorder. 

"Note to self: make sure you do something really nasty to Detective Kowalski when we get back." She paused. "Oh- and pick up some Mellomars for Mulder. He likes those." 

Stella beat the glass. 

_Ripley!_ , she seemed to cry. 

Buddy placed his hands on his hips. 

"Well that just does it!" 

Buddy grabbed Stan and shook him. 

"You think I have a budget to grab just _anybody_ from your planet!" 

He pulled away from Stan and opened a hatch. A room full of young blond men played chess, practised kung-fu or displayed remarkable prowess in the field of astrophysics. All wore black, all had tails and all looked exactly like Stan. 

Stan gaped. He spun to Buddy. 

"What have you done?" 

Buddy huffed. 

"I cloned you for my evil purposes, you idiot!" 

"No," Stan shook his head. "I meant that in a rhetorical sense!" 

Fox observed the men. 

"You cloned him. How many others?" 

Buddy laughed. 

"You be surprised." 

He turned to Ray. 

"Your wife was surprisingly useful to us. She didn't feel a thing as we morphed into her body for our evil machinations to conquer your planet." 

Ray grabbed him and shook him. 

"What did you do to my Bess?!" 

Buddy pushed away from him and opened another hatch. Ray and Bess sat at a table playing chess. They lifted their heads. Their eyes emitted a strange fluorescent glow. 

"We like them!" Buddy grinned. "They can blow up heads!" 

Ray was in shock. 

"What have you done?" 

Buddy slapped his head. 

"Is everyone on your planet stunned?" 

Ray was ready to kill him. 

"You used us for your sick ends, you dirty ba-!" 

Wolf held him off. 

"You won't get away with this!" he swore. 

"He'll try to," Sully joined. "Everyone is genetically matched to fool the authorities on Earth." 

"But the clones aren't stable," Scully added. "You won't get away with your plans." 

Stan, Fox and Fraser stood away from the argument. Fraser's brow furrowed. 

"What are you thinking, Benny?" Stan asked. 

"We have to contact Earth," he answered. 

Fox looked at him. 

"Why don't we crash this ship?" 

Fraser looked confused and Stan looked shocked. 

"Are you crazy?!" Stan snapped. 

"No," Fox shook his head. "We have to commandeer this vessel and bring it to Earth. That way we can not only prove to everyone that there is life on other planets but that they are trying to destroy us. We have better chance of preventing it. There are no other options." 

Fraser nodded. He looked out the window. 

"We are coasting over western Australia. We might be able to land on the coast." 

"Well how do we fly this thing?" Stan asked. 

Fraser cast his eyes over to a lone alien at the main console. 

"Why don't we just ask?" 

Fraser cautiously strode over to the alien. He glanced over his shoulder. 

"Hmm. Nice day to be flying a space vessel, eh?"  
The alien concurred amiably. 

"So," Fraser continued, "how do you fly this thing?" 

"Well," the alien answered, "this panel here controls the latitude and longitude coordinates. These series of buttons regulate speed, generally, moseying speed, light speed, superlight speed and the speed of lint (the fastest speed in the universe), and this big lever is the brake." 

Fraser nodded in comprehension. He reached for a wrench-like object and pulled it over the alien's head. 

"You're not going to hit me, are you?" the alien asked. 

Fraser hung his head guiltily. 

"Well...yes." 

The alien laughed. 

"I appreciate honesty." 

Fraser nodded in agreement and struck the alien. He pushed the alien from the chair began to steer the vessel. 

Buddy felt the change in direction. He swivelled his head to the helm. 

"My ship is being commandeered!" 

Buddy slapped an alarm button. 

"Alert! Alert! Security breach!" 

A host of aliens scurried from out of nowhere and held everyone at laser point. 

Stan and Fox tried to evade capture but it was useless. Fraser turned his head. It was all up to him. He looked at the speed buttons. The speed of lint button beaconed. The alien guards ran to him. Fraser's fist slammed the speed of lint button in a daring act of defiance. 

Everything stopped. A great whirring filled the air. Soon, the silver disk vessel moved at the greatest speed imaginable across the vast galaxy. Everyone was pasted against the walls. Their bodies were incapable of movement. Faces were contorted to fear/epidermal jelly. 

"Stan," Ray tried to cry out. 

"What?" he tried utter. 

"I'm not fond of you," Ray said through clenched teeth. 

Scully was braced against a window. The vibrations frightened her. She feared the window would give way and she would be sucked out into space. 

"Mulder!" she cried. 

Sully inched her hand over to Wolf. She clenched it tightly. 

Fraser was pressed against the floor. He tried to peel himself off. His eyes could see where he was. The vessel hovered over North American air space. He gripped the brake and pulled it. 

Everything stopped. Everyone was flung forward violently. Stan and Ray landed on one another. Fox flopped over the consoles. Scully was peeled from the window. She could breathe at last. Sully and Wolf fell forward and rose to their feet slowly. 

Buddy dropped from ceiling with a great scream. He rose trying to maintain some dignity. 

"You'll pay for this Mountie," he swore calmly. 

He ushered a guard from his place on the floor. 

"Do you think I feel like the kidney-crusher, the nostril hair-plucker or the lung-juggler?" 

The guard's face softened to a vacuous smile. Buddy knew what he wanted. 

"The appendix gun," Buddy smiled back. "Get it for me." 

The guard ran to weapons' storage room and brought forth a silver gun. Guards held Fraser still. 

"You'll never get away with this!" Fraser swore. 

Buddy laughed at him. 

"I already have." 

Buddy lowered the muzzle. He pulled the trigger. A blue laser streamed over Fraser's lower abdomen. Fraser screamed in pain. Blood welled from under his shirt. His belly distended and a solid lump burst from under his skin. Fraser collapsed. His appendix had been ripped from his body. 

Scully and Ray ran to him. 

"He needs a doctor!" she cried. 

Buddy smirked. 

"Never you worry about that." 

Buddy pressed a button. 

"You'll see me again. Rest assured." 

In a sweep of light the prisoners were teleported from the vessel. 

  

With the night came the quiet. All the inhabitants of the Windy City stirred under the thick, dark skin soundlessly. A scream increasing in intensity pierced the skin causing to bleed dread. 

Ray's arms and legs flailed wildly. He landed with a thud on the roof of the twenty-seventh precinct. The last time he fell on top of a roof he hurt his shoulder. Now, he hurt his pride. Stan had landed on him as he had done before on the space vessel. Scully and Fox rolled to the roof. Sully and Wolf crashed into the air duct. Fraser had fallen down earlier. He was motionless, the wound still bleeding profusely. 

"We have to get him in," Scully said. 

Wolf and Fox lifted Fraser and carried him to the bullpen. 

"What do you think?" Wolf asked Fox. "The first real contact with an alien species!" 

Fox huffed. 

"If that was your first one, then you are so green!" 

Stan scowled. 

"Don't ever say green again!" 

  

"And that's what happened," Ray finished. 

Walsh remained silent. 

"Sir?" Stan asked.  
Walsh became stern. 

"If this is an attempt to get a day off, then all I can say is that it was far lamer than Dewey's lung operation ruse." 

Stan's jaw dropped. 

"It really happened! We're all in danger! They're out there!" 

"Get out!" Walsh ordered. 

Huey burst into the office. 

"Fraser's been admitted to Cook County Hospital. It looks like someone's been playing a hatchet job with his organs." 

Fox and Scully came in after him. 

"Lieutenant Walsh, it is important that we..." 

Walsh silenced Fox. 

"I don't want to hear it, Agent Mulder. Close the door on your way out." 

Walsh turned the television news on. He hoped that some war in foreign country might take his mind off the ridiculous story he had been told. He turned the volume up. 

"The space station, _Mir_ , picked up some unusual passengers," the reporter noted. "Seven people were found floating in space. They will be returned when the two American astronauts complete their mission next Tuesday." 

Walsh pushed aside his evening hoagie and buried his face in his hands. The lines between fiction and truth became fuzzier than before. 

  

Fox steeled his lip. 

"He won't listen," he said softly. 

Scully placed her hand on his shoulder. 

"He's not the only one." 

Wolf and Sully were exhausted. Blood drenched their clothes.  
"We leave tomorrow," she said brushing her red hair from her face. "Ottawa will want to know about this." 

Wolf shook his head. 

"I don't like handing in half-finished reports." 

Sully steeled herself and rose to full height. 

"It will come to completion and when it does," she turned to leave, "we might not be left standing." 

Wolf looked after her. She may right, he thought. It was that which scared him. 

  

Stan and Ray were braced with anger and frustration. Stan rose and placed his jacket on. 

"I'm going to see Benny. Do you want to come?" 

Ray was lost in thought. 

"Ray?" 

"Yeah," he nodded and rose to join him. 

Alexander and Diefenbaker rushed in. 

"My God!" he cried "You're alive!" 

Ray nodded. 

"Yeah but Benny's not in such good shape." 

Alexander went pale. 

"What happened?" 

Ray and Stan looked at one another. Stan looked back at Alexander. 

"If we told you, you wouldn't believe us." 


End file.
